Invite instead of forcing

Probably everyone had ever at least once experienced that you are at a sort of party where some people are dancing. You are just standing at the side and looking at it or just being there. Then there is the moment one of the dancers is coming to you. And ask you to join them. You don’t want that and you’re communicating that. Then they start to pull you to the dance floor and try to let you move. You can try to escape, or dance a bit with some resistance and hoping that it is over soon. 

Pulled to the dance floor 

Recently I had this. I was at the a place and some people started to dance. I was just relaxing. In general I love dancing. But now I was just relaxing. And didn’t like the music, especially not for dancing. Then it started, some of the dancers wanted people to join and make a party. One by one they pulled people into the group. So at some point it was my turn. I said I didn’t want and made movements with my head, but it was not respected. So I chose to not pretend to enjoy it, not even a bit. Because I didn’t enjoy it at all. At some point, I could escape and did it.

The North sea by stormy weather

Crossing boundaries

After that I felt bad. I didn’t know why it was exactly. Of course I knew that it was just enthusiasm from the dancers, but it didn’t make it better for me. A bit later I realised what it was that made me feel sad about this. My choice was not respected. And also it is not intended, it is a way of crossing someones boundaries. It was something I didn’t want to do. For whatever reason. And I communicated that. But it was not respected. Or maybe not interpreted as something I didn’t want. Although my body and spoken language was quiet clear. 

Being forced

But the dancing example is not the only situation where people can be ‘forced’ to do something. Even they don’t want to do it and communicate that. Probably you will also remember one ore moments in you life. Moments where you or someone else is pushed to do something while the answer is no when it is asked. Although it is not always physical, it has the same effect. Someone is forced to cross their boundaries. And yes, sometimes this can be helpful for that person. They can overcome some inner resistance, where there is some inner longing to do it. 

Accepting what is communicated

The thing is, more often it is the opposite and it is not a nice experience for that person. How would it be if we’re always accepting someones answer? Without any pushing and just respect someones choice. Even if you see or think that someone is longing for something but have to overcome some inner resistance. Because that is what we all experience sometimes. And as a friend, or seeing this, we want to help the other. Sometimes because we would like that someone is joining us, but mostly because we would grant it them to experience.  

It’s our own responsibility

But even we want to help someone, it would be so much more valuable if we are not forcing the other. If we are forced by someone,  we are deprived to take responsibility for our own growth. To dive into our own processes and decide where we want to grow and move into that direction. Giving space for that is so important. And if you say no, you are maybe not ready to do it. Or you’re not interested in that experience at all. And thats fine too. Our life is our life. Our choice. And it is our responsibility to decide where we want to grow. And how would it be if that is respected? Always.


And yes, it is amazing if you invite someone else for an experience. Giving an opportunity to grow. To overcome some inner resistance and expand their world. But that’s only possible if we invite someone and respects their response. Maybe invite them again later on. Or let them know that he or she can let you know when they want to try it. Or offering support if there is a longing for the experience, but resistance as well. So we can create a world where everyone has the space to growth. In their own space, taking responsibility for it. While it is respected by everyone around them.